Going to that place again.

I am sinking again. Have spent all day lying on the sofa, occasionally crying for no reason, screaming at the kids for fighting and wreaking the place.
I don't want to go back on any pills, though I promised the doctor I would, if I got like this again. Don't want to do anything except sleep. I need to get myself picked up and shook down. I can't go on like this anymore. I am making things difficult for everyone around me. My moods are effecting the kid, I think this is one of the reasons why the misbehave so badly just now. I can't afford to take anymore time off work, it is probably for the best, I think it would make me worse if I was just kicking about the house.
I need to isolate what is causing the problem or aggravating it and remove it. It is the only way now, I will just get worse and worse until I do something stupid. It needs to be dealt with, now.

I can't live like this anymore. This is not living.

President, Conference, Comrades,

Unfortunately suffering from post conference blues. Kind of like the downer you get after coming home from a nice holiday. Meh.
Anyhoo, had a fab time down in Brighton. I got to move a motion at Group (my first time!) after getting it top of the agenda of the guillotined section. The section before my motions section over ran, so mine never got heard when it should have. Due to my amazing powers of persuation (and my talent for convincing the SOC that my motion was far more important than any others which didn't get heard because of the guillotine falling!) I finally got to move the motion (insert poop joke here). It was carried unanamously. Dead proud of myself, and boy, what an adrenaline rush!
Went to several Socials during the week including the Left Unity Social, the GWAC Social, The Scottish Social and the National Conference Social. I managed (god knows how) to win second prize at the GWAC talent show by singing an acapela version of Bohemian Rapsody (with air guitar and piano and some head bangging!) with one of the GEC peeps! You really needed to have been there :)
Got to hang out with my friend Hamish from Dundee, has been ages since I saw him last so it was really nice. We had a superb time at the Scottish night, lots of rowdy sing songs of old TU stuff, The Fields of Athenry, Avanti Popolo, Jarama Vally and various other great songs. The only down side was the hotel was charging £9.50 for two pints of beer, yes, just two pints!
National was good too. Mark Serwotka did some very good speaches on behalf of the NEC as well as a rousing speach of his own. Sir John O'Donnal was highly entertaining yet again, slagging off the MPs and their expenses claim. Floating duck? I still have not got a clue!

Anyway, feeling a bit sad and lonely tonight. Post conference blues, kids acting up, mum bitching, Steve being in London and general unsettledness in myself. My life feels wrong. Not sure how to sort it out since I don't know what is wrong with it or in it, or perhaps, missing from it. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist next Thursday, so I might figure it out then. Not much point dwelling on it just now anyway.

Actually lost weight at conference. Down to 10st 2lbs. Nearly there, going to try really hard to get the last 10-12lbs off. I figure I can do it in 4 weeks if I can behave myself with carbs.

Anyhoo, Kat Fletcher, Battlestar East Kilbride signing off.

It's the final countdown!

So, just a matter of hours to go before I embark on my journey to Brighton.
I have done quite a fair bit today and by the time I get to bed all preparations for the following week will be complete.
I have changed all my money for English notes, don't want to risk getting money turned away when I get there, ensured I have all the toiletries etc that I will need, cooked and preparing to freeze meals for the family (just so they don't starve), packed my case (though will need to unpack and re think as I have too much stuff...) and dyed my hair. All of my travel documents are sorted and in my bag. My conference paperwork and Group expenses have still not appeared. No doubt they will show up tomorrow, after I have arrived in Brighton, when they are no use to me. I have been reassured that this is easily sorted on Sunday night when we go to see the SOC.
Frankie is picking me up at 8am outside my house, fingers crossed he will not have too much trouble finding the place!
Just remembered I will need to pack my phone charger. Good job I remembered!

Ok. I am away to have a nice relaxing bath by candle light (all the bulbs have gone in the bathroom!) before I attempt to reorganise my suitcase.

Adios peeps and I will update on my return!

Not long now.

Nearly conference time! Got a call from the folk at Brighton flats. We are all go with the paying in cash when we get there, thats another weight off my mind. I called PCS finance to find out what had happened to my Group Conference expenses. They were sent on Monday, so should be with me tomorrow. Since there is absolutely no chance of the cheque clearing before I get to Conference, Steve has kindly offered to give me the money now, so I can just give him it back when the cheque finally does clear. Yet another thing sorted!
All I need to do now is get through the mandate meeting tomorrow, dye my hair (I have so much grey I am starting to look like a badger...) and pack my case. My travel documents are all together and safe and the money situation fixed. What would also be nice is a lottery win and for me to lose a stone in weight over night, without amputation.

More updates later.

No change in weight, BTW.

Oops!

Ok. Time to update.
Just got my hand slapped for not doing it often enough ;P

Not a lot been happening. Run off my feet last week with trying single handedly to organise our annual mandate meeting. It ended up being cancelled because it was too much for me to do alone, that and a few other things. Rescheduled for next Thursday, all prep has been finished now so fingers crossed it will all run smoothly on the day.
I head off to Brighton for conference on Saturday. I think I have everything I need for that, except my expenses...
Long story short, I have not received my Group expenses yet (hopefully will appear in tomorrows post) and my National expenses, though they did arrive, were made out to Steve. He has put the cheque in his bank and will give me the money when it cashes. I will phone PCS when the cheque cashes and tell them about their error. No point doing it now in case they cancel the cheque, then I would be royally screwed...

Not been very strick with myself in respect to my diet, so still hovering between 10st 5lbs and 10st 7lbs. Will get back on it tomorrow and hopefully lose a few lbs before I go on Saturday.

Anyway, thats me for now. Will do a quick update on Friday night as I won't have access to a computer next week and will update when I get back from conference.